| The Durable Heat Heated Vest is a great way to remain warm while out in the great outdoors. You'll scarcely notice you're wearing it because it's water-resistant, wind-resistant, and lightweight. The carbon-fiber heating elements woven into the fabric are intended to keep you warm, and the USB charging capabilities allow you to charge it anywhere. | ||
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| Enjoy the magic of winter and the warmth of a fireplace. | ||
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My daily routine included new steps now: stepping carefully across my bedroom as if I would find unexpected land-mines; eating cereal because I could not trust myself with a knife to cut fruit or heat to toast bread; walking to work after my insurance refused to cover the third car crash and I had been banned from Trainline. Even with all these steps, it was unusual that I made it to work unscathed. That morning, it had been iced coffee over both me and the pavement. No one hurt, thankfully, but my outfit ruined and £6 at the gentrified coffee shop wasted. I had a change of clothes in my locker at work, by now expecting anything.
But something had to change.
I idly wondered as I waited five whole minutes for the green light to show at the zebra crossing, if I had been cursed. It made sense in theory - no one is this unlucky. But who would do that? And what sort of lame curse was it?
A real curse would have been a proper accident, or a debilitating heartbreak, a loss of someone I cared about. Not this half-hearted string of bad luck. It was cruel, sure, and it made me lose my mind with frustration when I did everything right and still got hurt.
Besides, I hadn't done anything to elicit a curse on me. The worst fight I had been in during the last year was with Mary, and I doubt my middle-aged coworker cared enough about me messing up her work with one client to curse me. Were curses even real?
The curse idea didn't come from nowhere. On my walk to work - the walk I had been forced to take by the said curse - was a billboard advertising a witch shop below it. On the billboard, in comically big purple letters, it read, ?ARE YOU CURSED? VISIT MADAME HIBISCUS.' Maybe I wasn't, and I had just let advertising get to me, like when you see a billboard for Cadbury and immediately start craving chocolate.
Still, I wondered if there was any harm in visiting the witch. I would do anything to have my normal life back. I was sick of having to overthink every move I made, to plan each journey in advance looking at each detail and how it could hurt me. I didn't like the fear that the next thing I did was going to hurt me irreversibly and having to choose minor inconveniences like spilled coffee as the better option.
For a few weeks, this Madame Hibiscus had been on my mind. I had even googled the name to see what it meant, but that didn't help me to understand who she was (plus, I started getting adverts for Hibiscus tea, which I didn't drink).
I decided, in that moment, covered in coffee, still waiting for the green man to walk across the LED screen, that I needed to visit her.
I could go on my way back from work - I lived alone, no one would know. That was one of the perks of being an adult. I could disappear off to visit some dodgy woman claiming to be a witch, and no one could tell me that it was a bad idea. Equally, though, if I disappeared tonight, no one would know. As much as the possibility of my life turning into an infamous missing person case scared me, the idea that the rest of my days would be spent in avoidance scared me even more.
-
At work, I had got in another fight with Mary after the printer broke while I was using it. I watched her carefully as she struggled to keep her voice down, and wondered if she could really have put a curse on me for that nonsense back in September. She was in her fifties, hair halfway between brown and grey, with these glasses on a gold chain that made her eyes look even bigger as she looked at me with disapproval. It was disapproval, though - I wouldn't even go as far as to say she was mad, she was just frustrated, and frustrated women don't curse their co-workers.
The walk between work and the witch-shop seemed longer than normal, as if the universe was trying to drag the journey out, like something bad would happen when I stepped into the shop.
I think I was prepared for anything: walking through the doorway into a dusky cave of spiders, a medieval dungeon, a fantasy land of dragons. I was surprised by the normality of the room, the familiar shelves of a corner shop arranged in rows. It wasn't until I looked closer and noticed what exactly was on those shelves that I started to feel uneasy. Not that I was judging anyone who came in there looking for preserved bats or amethyst crystals mined under a full moon, but it just all felt a little too performative. It was like the ingredients of the witches' brew in Macbeth, or the list of ?fairy altar' supplements in my big book for girls I had read at age ten. It wasn't real magic - it was for the benefit of those fascinated by it, but without any real power.
There was a woman in the corner, restocking little vials of liquid mercury. She was - to me - beautiful in a way I couldn't put my finger on. She was beautiful in the way that stained glass is beautiful, somehow telling a story, transporting you. She wasn't young but I couldn't place her age and she wasn't white, but I couldn't have told you more than that either. I knew, instinctively, that this was the Madame Hibiscus from the billboard.
?Good afternoon, honey.? She spoke without looking at me. ?I knew you would come.?
If anyone else had claimed to see me in their future like that, I would have instantly dismissed them. I had no belief in prophecies. But, somehow, I believed her.
?I think I'm cursed,? I admitted.
?You are.?
?What can I do about it??
?Not much, unfortunately. But - ? She stopped herself. ?No, that would be too much work.?
?I'll do anything.?
She finally turned around, looked at me with her eyes that had seen more than I would ever see, and smiled. ?Will you??
?Yes.?
She handed me a list from her pocket. To me, it looked like a shopping list.
It read:
Cinnamon
Frankincense
Lemongrass
3 candles (one blue, one violet and one grey)
A photograph of a woman from the wallet of the man who owns the train museum
A lock of hair from that same wallet
?I can do this,? I told her.
The list wasn't long. It seemed weird to me that she would send me out for candles and incense when she owned a shop that I'd have assumed sold all of the above. Momentarily, I was concerned about the stealing, but I rationalized it. I wouldn't take any money, and my life had been so filled with inconveniences that I had no sympathy left for the man.
And I was right: it was easy enough. I found the candles and incense in the local supermarket, costing me no more than £50, and through some stroke of luck or divine intervention, the train museum announced that the owner would be doing a Q and A on Saturday, with everyone welcome to attend.
The plan was to bump into him. He was old, and I'd use just enough force to topple him without him actually getting hurt. I was surprisingly confident in my pickpocketing abilities - it seemed like a basic skill to be able to slip the brown leather wallet from his corduroys.
I was banking on the fact that the photo and hair would be easily found. I trusted Madame Hibiscus' instructions. I couldn't believe that she would send me on any wild goose chase. In fact, my luck seemed to be turning just enough that I thought I could pull this off. Even the owner's availability seemed like someone was looking out for me.
-
Saturday was rainy. That didn't bother me - the museum was inside, and all I needed was an empty hallway or unused stairwell. I had my best neutral outfit on, hoping that my jeans and jumper would allow me to blend seamlessly with the crowd, even though most of them were a good few years older than me.
I tried my best to not obviously trail him. I stayed close, asked questions that I'd gotten off the FAQ page on Google. I learned that he had founded the museum 60 years ago alongside his wife, that it was built on the site of old army barracks, and the only way to get there was on the train (evidently something he did on purpose), and the most expensive thing in the museum was a painting by Turner which hung in the entrance lobby. For a thief, that didn't interest me much.
When he left to use the bathroom, I followed. He wasn't important enough to have a security detail, leaving him and me alone in the paneled hallway, his footsteps echoing on the hardwood floor. It wasn't quite wide enough for us both to walk through, and, like a gentleman, he stopped and let me past.
That's when I struck, walking by him with such force that he had to step back and lose his balance. His wallet fell from his breast pocket.
Immediately, I was apologizing. With one hand I helped him up, and with the other, I opened the wallet. He was struggling, distracted, and I could have taken it, but I recognized the photo It was her - Madame Hibiscus.
At once, we both realized that I was robbing him. He frowned, reaching for it and I pulled back.
?It's not a smart move to steal from me,? he told me.
?I just want the photo.?
?Oh? Harriet sent you??
?I don't - Madame Hibiscus sent me.?
He nodded. ?She's trying to get out.?
?Get out from where??
?Listen, kid, it's not worth it.?
?I think I'm cursed.? I was aware that I was spilling all my secrets to this man, but it seemed like I had to give him something in return.
?She said she could help me.?
?She probably can,? he admitted. ?But it's still not worth it.?
I looked from the wallet to him and back again. I could see the hair in a clear plastic bag in the other pocket.
?I'm sorry,? I said, and I ran.
-
Madame Hibiscus' shop was closed on Sundays, but I couldn't imagine just waiting patiently in my apartment when right now I had all the ingredients needed to reverse this ?curse' that followed me.
So, although the establishment was shut, the door locked, and all the lights off, I knocked and knocked until she came down. To be fair to her, it took her no more than ten minutes to let me in, despite the fact that I was just some customer demanding to be let in or her day off.
I walked in and slammed my bag down onto the counter. ?I have them all - the candles, the incense. I stole that photo from the old man at the train museum, along with what I assume is your hair.?
?Yes, it's mine.? She took them from me.
?Why did you need me to get them?? I asked. ?If it's your hair then you must have some already? This shop is meant to sell candles and incense, right? Or, if it doesn't, you must have a supplier? This is just from the supermarket.?
?Because I cannot leave this shop.?
?Why not?? My frustration was building up again, ?I don't get it.?
?OK.? She sat down in one of the antique chairs at the back of the room, and I followed suit. ?Put it this way: I have been tricked into staying in this shop forever, and these - ? She gestured at the things I had brought her. ?- are going to get me out of here.?
?But is it going to cure my curse??
?Oh, sweetie?? There was this sickly sweet tone to her voice.?I was the one who put the curse on you, and I'll take it off when you help me.?
?Why me?? I asked, desperately, as she stood up and took the candles from my bag.
She sighed. ?It wasn't personal, darling, you just happened to be right at the bus stop as I came up with the plan.?
?So all this time- all the stuff that kept happening to me? it was j- just random?? I could feel my tongue tripping over my words. My stutter always came back out a little when I was upset
?You should have come in sooner. I mean, I knew you would come in eventually, that was part of it, but you waited weeks - weeks that could have been avoided.? She lit the three colors, placing them in a triangle between us.
?I should have come in sooner!?? If I was going through the stages of grief, I was in anger. ?You're blaming me??
?I'm just trying to help.? Next, the incense, lighting them off the candles and placing them in three pre-prepared holders.
?No. You- you're manipulating me for your own gain. And I'm prob-probably doing a terrible thing for the universe by letting you- by getting you out. What even are you? Some kind of ghost-thing??
?Not quite a ghost, honey. Just a witch trapped in a shop.?
Her pendulum on a tarnished silver chain swung between us, and I was aware of my heartbeat going the exact same speed. The photo and hair were in the middle of the triangle, a memorial of a living woman. As the walls between us thinned, she appeared to flicker in the candlelight as if she were some trick of the light, an apparition.
I didn't actually have to do anything. I just sat there as she dragged herself back into my reality. I was a little in awe of her power, fascinated by her knowledge of things I couldn't even begin to understand, but I was still angry. I was taken advantage of, and she just didn't care.
At once, all three of the candles went out. By the time my eyes had adjusted to the dark, I became aware that she was looking at me and smiling, her skin glowing with the life she didn't previously have.
She blew me a kiss. ?There. Curse over?
Alice snoozed as she drifted down the river in her lone, donut decorated inflatable tube. She had been going down the river for the last few hours, contending with rapids and canoers and men alike. All she had was herself, her tube, and her glasses, and that was all she needed. In between her various naps in the quiet stretches of river, Alice would hum various marine tunes. She tended to favor whaler and siren songs, their haunting tunes thrilling to her. They also conveyed the right message, if the ones on the receiving end would acknowledge her.
While Alice did enjoy her winding ride along the river, with her pale, pasty skin, such long exposures in the sun would do her no favors in the coming days. However, she was here for a reason, and if she left the river before accomplishing her task, it would take her months to build up the motivation to come back. So Alice waited.
After several hours and what was swiftly becoming a third degree burn, Alice finally got the response that she was waiting for, but not the one that she had expected. One moment she was being slow roasted, like a rotisserie chicken, and the next she had been violently flipped off of her pink donut tube into the frigid water. From there, chilled hands dragged her far under the river and into the lake that the water emptied itself into. Alice was dragged into the dark depths of the lake, her lungs aching for the shallow breath that she had taken. She lost her vision as the water became cooler and darker, not being able to see anything. As her lungs began to burn, and Alice began to think that this was her last breath, her legs scraped against rock beneath her, cutting shallow divots into her skin. When she no longer felt the rock, those holding her began ascending into light waters until Alice's head crested the water.
Alice's desperate breath burned as her lungs filled with much needed air. Wisps of hair that had fallen out of her pony-tail clung like limp noodles to her face, and still without access to her hands she was unable to wipe her hair out of her eyes to look at her surroundings and kidnappers. Without notice, Alice was launched up and out of the water, landing heavily onto solid stone, bruising her already torched skin. With her hands finally free Alice was able to wipe her hair out of her eyes.
She found herself in a hidden cove, surrounded by towering stacks of red rocks. She laid on the only stone above water, save for the mountain surrounding them. ?Them' being the mermaids that were bobbing in and out of the shimmering water. Trying to shield her eyes from the blinding water with her hand, Alice looked closer at her kidnappers. In front of her sprawled a woman with a fish tail as red as the rock beneath her, half submerged in her underwater seat. None of the mers looked all too happy to see Alice.
?You're quite the audacious human, aren't you? All day you have traveled our river, taunting us with our songs, with nothing but a flimsy tube and strips of cloth that barely cover anything. We have been tested enough by you humans of late, and you specifically have given all of us boundless headaches. Anything to say before we gut you and set you floating off down the river?? The red-tailed mer spoke to Alice with hatred in her eyes and a sneer on her lips. The other mers growled along with her and raised various sharp-looking instruments from beneath the water. Alice felt nothing less than insulted.
?Human? You think I am a human? I think you people have been stuck in this river for far too long if you think that!? Alice scoffed at them, but then froze when a sharpened bone
found itself beneath her left eye. A testy man with green scales glared at her from the water. She wiggled her finger in between the blade and her eye, forcing some distance, which had the unfortunate side effect of cutting her finger. Alice maintained eye contact with the mer as the blade began to sizzle and smoke where her blood had accumulated. He tried to drag his knife away, but she grabbed onto it, the sharpened ridges digging into the palm of her hand had her blood covering the rest of the blade. The sizzling turned into crackles and the smoke blackened around her hand. The mer released his grip on the blade and swam away from her, his eyes glued to her hand. Soon enough the bone fractured in her grip and she sprinkled the fragments into the water. The water evaporated wherever her blood had made contract. Alice looked pacifly at her hand, blood slowly seeping down her arm, dripping onto the rock beneath her, which swifty brightened with heat and color. When the skin of her hand began to stitch itself back up, Alice turned her blank expression back to the leader. Alice scoffed before rearranging herself into a more comfortable position on the rock.
?Well, this is not at all how I imagined this would go,? Alice muttered, dumping her chin into her uninjured hand
?And how was this supposed to go?? The leader asked, eyeing her warily.
?Well for starters, I am here to help, not threaten,? scoffs and snorts surrounded Alice in surround sound. ?Seriously! If I came here for the purpose of violence, would I show up in a skimpy bikini, burnt to a crisp, riding an inflatable donut? I really was going for the least threatening look I could muster!? Alice huffed in exasperation.
?You said you are here to help. With what do you intend to help with?? A deep voice drew Alice's attention to her left where a man with steely scale swam up to her platform. Alice grinned widely at him.
?I heard recently in certain circles that mers had been acquired for sale, and that they originated from these very waters. I assume that these acquisitions are not consensual, so I came to offer myself up as bait!? Alice said.
?Bait?? Another mer spoke up.
?Yup! I am a shifter, and could easily transform myself into a mer and get myself caught by these kidnappers, and in turn catch them in the act!? She spoke cheerfully. Alice sensed that many of the mers were put off with her display, but even more disliked her violent act.
?And what makes you think that this will work?? The mer whose blade she destroyed asked, glaring at her from underneath thick eyebrows. Alice in turn raised her eyebrows and looked at him with her own doe eyes.
?Well, as you just saw, I am quite capable of defending myself. And even if they somehow got past my defenses, I'm even harder to kill. On top of all of that, should I still fail to succeed, I have some fairly powerful allies that I can call upon. And if all of that fails, if I am caught and sold, not only will I make them the wealthiest traffickers in the world, but I would be so much of a problem that they would never hunt in these waters again, or even desire to hunt anything after me!? Alice made eye contact with every mer that would meet her eyes as she spoke.
?And the cherry on the cake would be, you all would not lose anything! Whether I catch them or they catch me, none of your people will be caught in the crossfire, and I can guarantee that you and yours will be left alone from here on out. What do you say?? She grinned at the group.
?And who's to say that you aren't one of the traffickers?? One of the younger mers spoke out, Another hit them on the back of their head, shushing them.
?It's a little late to make that decision not, isn't it,? Alice shot back, shrugging her shoulders at the kid. She turned back to the lead.
?What do you say??
It took Alice thirty-seven hours to learn how to fish, and fish well enough that she could swim upstream to the mouth of the river. Deep-voiced, steel-scaled mer, named Daton was the mer that coached her. The traffickers only came at night to avoid the human crowds, and so she would need to be a bright and shiny fish in order to catch their attention in the black waters. Her scales were a liquid silver, and she had a bright red stripe racing down both of her sides. Alice brought her tail up to her head, marvelling at her new-found flexibility.
?Look! It matches my hair!? She squealed with glee as she held the red stripe to her curls that were floating ambiently in the water. Daton rolled his eyes at her, but she saw a corner of his lips quark, and she counted it as a win.
In much of the same way that it had taken Alice most of the day to catch the attention of the mers, it would also take her most of the night to catch the eyes of the traffickers. As she made her way down the river once again, Alice swam as close to the surface of the water as she dared to without alerting the hunters that she was there on purpose. She splished and splashed in order to make as much noise and disturbance as possible, winding herself along the length of the river. It was only after she made it through one of the rapids, far bloodier this time in the water than she had been above it, did she finally catch a hint of her prey.
It was a smart move on their part, Alice had to admit. The poachers waited a ways down the river in a calm, though relatively shallow stretch of water. Right after one of the more brutal of the rapids in the river, this spot was perfect for catching tired and injured mers who had little in the way for escape.
It was as she was checking over her newly acquired tail, probing at the bleeding pieces of flesh that where now missing her shimmering scales, that she felt swift movement around her. She failed to react fast enough to escape the steel net that wrapped her up and launched her out of the water. As Alice was airborne, trying to reorient herself, she heard cheering and jeering as she was hauled aboard the small ship. She landed heavily on the deck of the ship and tried to peer through the thick steel ropes at her captors at the motley crew beyond.
?What a pretty little fishy we got ladies and gents!? One voice called out at her.
?I told you we could catch pretty ones inland. And easier too! There's a lot less chance of ?em getting away than if they were ocean fishies!? another voice cackled. A hand snuck its way into the net to try to grab hold of Alice's face. She tried snapping at the offending limb but the ropes hindered her movements too much. The hand withdrew without her being able to draw even a droplet of blood.
?Fucking bitch!? Hand man spat at her, slapping her with enough force that her head hit the deck and bounced. Alice's vision swam and her ears began to ring. She shut her eyes. A muffled hit and groan spiked pain in her head.
?Are a fucking idiot? Do you want to present the boss with damaged goods? Do you think we'd get paid if you bashed her brains out?? A new voice rang out above the others.
?She tried to bite me, Cap'n!? Hand man attempted to defend himself. Through the fuzziness in her head, Alice thought he sounded like he was trying to talk through a busted lip.
?I don't care if she tore off your whole fucking limb! Fish like her cost more than it does to keep this dump of a ship running for ten years, she could damn well pay for your fucking robot arm!? Thumping steps reverberated through the steel deck and through Alice's skull as they made their way closer to her. She felt the ropes give way from around her. Knees hit the deck by her head and she groaned. Hands rolled limp body onto her back before cradling her head in their hands prodding at her sensitive scalp.
?Miss, can you hear me?? A softer voice spoke above her. Thick fingers pried her eyes open to shine a flashlight into her pupils. Alice lurched back from the invading light, but the movement jostled her and she curled up as much as she could while still tangled up in the ropes.
?Hurt,? a weak groan was all Alice was able to force out.
?Yes, you seem to have a concussion. Luckily though, you're not bleeding, just have some superficial swelling.? He laid her head back onto the deck and turned away from her.
?Bring the stretcher over, yeah, right there. I'll keep her head stable while you lift her torse. One, two, three;? Alice felt herself being lifted up and placed on tout fabric. Her tail hung limply in the air as the stretcher was lifted up and Alice sunk into the blackness of her mind.
Alice woke to bright white lights and sterile water. She was floating ambiently in a small tank that was just large enough that she didn't need to touch any of the glass that surrounded her. Alice blinked her bleary eyes until she could fully make out her surroundings beyond the glass. At least two dozen other tanks also held mers within them, all of the stack next to one another, with about a foot between each tank. Rapid movement caught the side of Alice's eye. When she turned she saw another mer, one with pale lime green scales with an overly large grin waving at her.
?Hello! So glad to see you awake finally! You're the last one to wake up, where are you from?? The mer flung each word out of their mouth as if it was a race. Alice shook her head a few times before she was able to respond.
?The, uh, the Colorado river. Where are we? Why was I asleep for so long?? She shot back. The mer looked positively giddy.
?No wonder! A river mer like you probably isn't used to super cold temperatures that these traffickers like to transport us in. Now me, I'm from the arctic, so the cold doesn't make me as sleepy as the rest of you guys. As for where we are, I don't know the exact details, but I'm pretty sure that we are at an auction. If you listen closely you can actually hear the bidding wars going on. They're bidding on a box jelly right now.? Alice started at the mer, amazed by his ability to simply not breath.
?Why are you so giddy?? Alice asked.
?It's to cover up for the sheer terror that is coursing through my veins right now,? the mer's giggles bordered on hysterical. ?I'm Aubin bytheway.?
?Alice.?
?Fancy meeting you Alice. I sincerely doubt we will ever see another mer again, let alone one another,? he grinned at her.
?You never know, some owners like the ideas of mates,? Alice taunted. She felt bad though, when Aubin's eyes widened even more and his unhinged grin dropped.
?There is that,? he mumbled back at her. It twinged at her heartstrings, and so Alice decided that it was finally time to get shit done.
Alice rapped her knuckles against the glass cage, testing the thickness of it, before thumping her powerful tail against it. With a resounding crack the glass shattered, spitting gallons of water and Alice onto the ground. Bits of glass stuck themselves in Alice's tail and hands, but they were of no consequence. With a single thought, Alice shed her mer form and donned her normal, human-esque body. Unfortunately, with no clothes.
?It's Tits-Out-Tuesday I suppose,? she threw over her shoulder at a very stunned Aubin, as well as several other trapped mers. She got to her feet, and with a flick of her wrist was clothed and barreling through the red curtains.
Beyond was the box jelly and an auditorium full of people who clearly had never paid taxes. Alice felt a feral grin spread across her face.
?What a fascinating group of people, I must say,? she taunted them. Many sprung out of their seats and made mad dashes towards the exits, which had just suddenly been sealed shut by strange glowing red magic that wrapped themselves around Alice.
?Not so fast, darlings. All is fair in love and war, and I declare war.?
It was a swift battle, those rich fucks rarely knew how to fight, and the few guards that they had were like annoying moths to Alice. When everyone was properly subdued, Alice made a long distance call and pulled a memory stick loose from her pockets.
?Daddy!? Alice chirped into the phone as the plugged into the computers. ?You would not believe the time that I am having at the moment. Yeah, yeah, people are trying to sell me on the black market! Fucked up I know! Yeah, so I'm just getting the organization's info, and then I'll send it to you and Papa, let you guys do the heavy lifting. I've done the main part! I've got most of their merchandise here at the auction, and both the buyers and the sellers. All you guys have to do is make sure the whole operation goes kapooie You're welcome. I love you, Byebye!? Alice hung up the phone and watched as files copied themselves.
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